Welcome to the backdoor buffet. Anal play gets a bad rap, sometimes literally, but it doesn’t have to be terrifying or taboo. Whether you’re thinking fingers, toys, or the whole D, there’s a way to explore this deliciously off-limits zone without crying, clenching, or sprinting to the bathroom.
Let’s bust the myths, spill the secrets, and get that booty ready for action.
Don’t forget to check out more newbie swinger advice in our Vanilla Swingers podcast.
💦 Lube Is Law
If there’s one golden rule of anal play, it’s lube, lube, and more lube. The booty doesn’t self-lubricate like a vagina, so trying to go in dry? That’s a one-way ticket to Nope Town. Choose a thick water-based or silicone-based lube. Reapply as needed. And don’t be shy with it – we’re talking “slip n’ slide” levels here, not just a dab.
PRO TIP: Keep lube nearby when playing at a swinger club. You do not want to go hunting for it mid-finger.
👉 Start Small (Like, Pinky-Small)
Your booty is not a slot machine. Don’t just shove things in and hope for a jackpot. Go slow. Like, slower than slow. Let your body get used to the sensation. If it feels like it’s not working – pause, breathe, reset.
This is a marathon, not a sprint (though it might end in a very sexy finish line). Begin with:
A lubed-up finger
A butt plug the size of a lipstick
Or just external teasing around the rim
Use in conjunction with a vibrator
🧼 Prep Like a Pro
Let’s talk mess. Is it possible? Yes. Is it guaranteed? Nope. Don’t skip the fun just because you’re afraid of a little oops (easier said than done!). Most lifestyle folks know the risks and aren’t gonna run screaming over a tiny uh-oh.
For most casual anal play:
A good shower and bowel movement earlier that day is usually enough.
Wet wipes can be a girl’s best friend (and your play partner will appreciate it).
Enemas? Optional, but go gentle if you try one.
🧠 Mind Over Butthole
Anal is mental as much as physical. If you’re anxious, nervous, or overthinking every twinge, your sphincter’s gonna lock up tighter than TSA during a carry-on search. Some couples even try butt stuff after an orgasm, when everything’s relaxed and euphoric. Worth a shot, no? And I highly recommend always in conjunction with a vibrator on your clit… double the pleasure!
Here’s the trick:
Breathe deeply.
Talk it out.
Stay relaxed.
Don’t force it—your body will tell you when it’s ready.
🧸 Toys, Positions & What Actually Feels Good
Forget porn. Real anal pleasure doesn’t mean jackhammering. Communication is key. Have a plan, agree on pace, and be open about what feels good vs. what’s a hard no. Try:
Spooning: You’re relaxed and in control.
Doggy: Classic, but go slow.
On top: Total control over depth and rhythm.
Butt plugs: Great warm-up tools with variety in size, vibration, and fun colors.
Anal beads: Pop ‘em out at climax for fireworks (not recommended for first timers, but something to work up to!).
🚨 Safety, Condoms & Clean Hands, Please
Your butt is not a free-for-all. And don’t forget that anal doesn’t have to mean full penetration. Rimming, butt plugs, light teasing – these are all part of the booty buffet.
Condoms are a must if you’re switching partners or playing at a club.
Never go from backdoor to front door without changing condoms (unless UTIs sound like a fun time).
Wash hands. Clean toys. Respect boundaries.
🧁 Final Thoughts: Booty Play Should Be Fun
If it hurts? Stop. If it’s awkward? Laugh. If you love it? Congratulations, you’ve unlocked a new kind of pleasure.
Anal isn’t for everyone, but for those who enjoy it (or are just curious enough to try), it can be a seriously hot way to explore new sensations, deepen trust, and have a little naughty fun.
Go slow. Use lube. And don’t be afraid to shout “YES!” when the butt stuff finally feels good.
Find all of this and more on this episode of our top-rated swingers podcast for new couples to the lifestyle, the Vanilla Swingers podcast!
Swinger Lingo (check Swinger Dictionary for more!)
Airtight: When all 3 of a woman’s entrances are filled, leaving no room for doubt – or air! A term used to describe a sexual scenario where all of a person’s orifices are simultaneously filled by different partners, creating a sensation of fullness and intensity.
Back door: A cheeky term for anal play—because sometimes the scenic route is the most exciting! Don’t forget the lube!
DP: Double the pleasure, double the fun – because why settle for one when you can have both? An abbreviation for “double penetration,” a sexual activity where a female partner is simultaneously penetrated in both the vagina and the ass by different partners or objects. What Kat & Leo affectionately call Deadpool.
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