Bliss Cruise Review: Smuggled Booze, Bent the Rules, Tips You Can Use
Bliss Cruise 2025 brought new owners, a brand-new app, and a whole lot more sexy fun. We’re spilling all the tea on what worked, what flopped, and the wild moments we’ll never forget. Part 1
By: Kat Swings
So you booked Bliss. Welcome to the wild, wet, and occasionally wobbly world of swinging on the high seas. If you want to make the most of this floating fantasyland (and avoid rookie mistakes), we’ve got you covered—from the packing list to post-orgy recovery. Here is Part 2 of our Bliss Cruise April review.
All this and more in our most recent episode of the Vanilla Swingers podcast.
🧑💻 Pre-Bliss: Start Early, Be Flirty
Before your suitcase is even zipped, the party has already started online. Join the Bliss Cruise Facebook groups as soon as you’re booked. It’s the easiest way to start making connections, scoping out who’s on your floor, and getting your name and face out there. Don’t be shy—post a flirty pic, comment on someone else’s theme outfit idea, or start a countdown thread. These virtual interactions often turn into real-life drinks, dates, or sexy elevator chats once onboard. Think of it as pre-gaming for the party of the year, but with better lighting and fewer clothes.
✈️ Packing & Flying Tips
Do yourself a favor and fly in at least 2 days early. We’ve heard the horror stories – flights cancelled, people getting bumped, and one poor couple who had to rent a car and drive 16 hours just to catch the ship in time. That’s not sexy. Build in some breathing room so you arrive rested, relaxed, and ready to strip down, not stress out. Also, pack smart. Cram as many essentials into your carry-on as you can – theme outfits, meds, makeup, condoms, lube, maybe a backup harness (you know, the usual). Lost luggage is rare, but not unheard of.
PRO TIP: Yes, you can smuggle booze onboard. Ask us how we know – we’re 3 for 3. Order those Rum Runner bladders off Amazon and pack them deep in the folds of your checked bags. If they’re confiscated, the bags go to “booze jail,” but the liquor gets returned to you at the end of the cruise. It’s not foolproof, but let’s just say… it’s effective.
🚢 Embarkation: Chill, Don’t Sprint
If your dream is to be day-drunk at noon and aggressively attacking the buffet by 12:05pm, you do you. But we opt for a leisurely 1pm embarkation, and here’s why – no line. Zero stress. We waltz through the lax TSA-style screening (which, let’s be honest, could definitely miss a few extra bottles of bubbly in your bag), and head straight to our stateroom. Rooms open around 1pm, bags arrive shortly after, and then it’s time to decorate that door and pour that first drink.
PRO TIP: If you’re around early, drop your bags before your check-in time. They’ll get to your room faster.
PSST! Don't Miss!
Bliss Cruise Part 1
🍽 Dining: Choose Your Adventure
Main dining is a whole experience – 2 to 3 hours of food, flirtation, and full-blown promenade peacocking. It’s a great place to meet new people, especially if you ask to sit at a large, random group table. Conversations can start over cocktails and end in the playroom. That said, if you’re trying to make the most of theme night action and don’t want to sit through five courses, we recommend the buffet. You can eat in costume, be in and out in 30 minutes, and still make your 8–10pm promenade rounds looking fabulous. Only exception? Formal night. That’s when we do main dining too – grab some listeners and make it a raucous affair. Come find us!
🎭 Shows: Skip or Strip?
Let’s be real – the ice show and Lumina are probably stunning. But are we really here for elegant lighting design and interpretive dance? Nah. That’s for the vanilla cruisers. We’re rocky road with sprinkles, a cherry on top, and maybe a few edible pasties. That said, shoutout to the newer, raunchier shows—like the male revue and other adult-themed performances. Those? Worth showing up for, especially if you want to see a different kind of magic happen on stage. Just don’t expect every show to match the naughty vibe you came for. Some are great for a break between drinks and debauchery. Others? Better skipped in favor of a hot tub rendezvous.
🎉 Themes: Go Big or Stay Invisible
We say it every year, every cruise, and every time someone tells us “I’m kind of shy…”: GO BIG ON THEME NIGHTS. It’s the ultimate icebreaker. That feathered headdress or rhinestone jockstrap might be the reason someone walks up to say hello. Especially if you’re an introvert, theme outfits do the talking for you. Own the promenade from 8–10pm, strut your stuff, make eye contact, and enjoy the attention. After that, everyone disappears into the night: some to dance parties in Studio B, others to karaoke, shows, or straight to the playrooms. Where you go is up to you – but start strong and themed to thrill.
📚 Seminars: Mixed Bag of Tricks
Seminars are kind of like swinging itself—some hit, some miss. We’ve heard great things about “Pleasuring the Penis” and “Pleasuring the Pearl.” They’re educational, lighthearted, and sometimes even hands-on (though not that kind of hands-on). The orgy workshop? Meh. The idea of being randomly matched for a group experience just doesn’t hit for us. If you’re curious, definitely try one out. And hey, if you walk out with some new techniques, feel free to show Leo what you learned. He’s a very enthusiastic test subject.
☀️ Pool Parties: Hot, Wild & Worth It
The daytime pool scene is pure fun – playmakers hyping the crowd, music bumping, drinks flowing, and a delightful spectrum of clothing (or lack thereof). Some are topless, some fully nude, some just rocking the world’s tiniest swimsuits. Everyone is vibing. But be warned: day drinking + sun = nap city. If you party too hard before sunset, you might miss the real magic that starts around 10pm. So hydrate, pace yourself, and maybe schedule a little siesta. The goal is to be fully charged when the dance floors, playrooms, and wild energy kick into high gear.
✌️ Debarkation: Late Is Great
One last tip from your favorite smugglers – don’t book an early flight. Plan to fly out at 3pm or later, or better yet, the next day. That way, you can be one of the last people off the ship while Malcolm yells on the PA system, “You don’t have to go home, but you can’t gotta get the hell up on outta here!” It’s much more chill, no rush, and you won’t be dragging yourself through customs with a hangover and a fanny pack full of regrets. Oh, and fun fact: there are no drug-sniffing dogs hanging around by that time. Ask us how we know.
🍑🍆💦🔞 Final Thoughts
Bliss is what you make of it. Go big, pack smart, smuggle responsibly (😉), and wear your glitter like armor. Flirt early, nap strategically, and never underestimate the power of a killer theme outfit. We’ll be the ones on the promenade with a rum runner in one hand, a costume that raises eyebrows, and a look that says let’s get into some mischief!
Find all of this and more on this episode of our top-rated swingers podcast for new couples to the lifestyle, the Vanilla Swingers podcast!
Naughty Links and Extras! (Fun, Irreverent, and Maybe Passably Useful)
Bliss Cruise – NO AFFILIATE LINKS. Buy direct or find a travel agent (same price).
CruiseMapper – Find a sister vanilla ship to throw your friends off the swinging scent and keep your steamy adventures under wraps.
Cruise Drinks Calculator – To figure out if the drinks package is worth it, let this tool do the math for you! It’ll tally up your drink costs and show you what you’d spend without it. Bottoms up!
Royal Caribbean Cruise Deck List – Click here to uncover a super-secret treasure trove of 100s of aggregated user reviews of specific Royal Caribbean cruise line cabins. Find your Cruise Ship (Oasis/ Symphony/ Mariner) and search to see if your cabin has been reviewed.
Celebrity Cruise Deck List – Click here to uncover a super-secret treasure trove of 54 pages of aggregated user reviews of specific Celebrity cruise line cabins. Search the pages for your Cruise Ship class (Reflection/Silhouette) to help you find the best cabin.
Kat's Amazon Wish List
We promise, NO affiliate links...they're so un-F*cking cool!
Non Surge Power Strip – With three AC outlets and two USB ports, this cruise-approved lifesaver keeps all your devices juiced up and ready for fun because your cabin has, like, ONE outlet.
Magnetic Dry Erase Board – Because freebie boards are 3/4 full of travel agent ads. Enjoy a huge blank space for all your steamy slutty notes.
Cruise Luggage Tags – Clear plastic luggage tags to keep your cruise ship tags clean and dry. Be sure they are the RIGHT size for your cruise line. Royal Caribbean is not the same size as Carnival luggage tags, etc… You ONLY need them for luggage, not carryons.
Cruise Lanyard – Because bathing suits don’t have pockets… and neither does sexy wear! Get a plastic sleeved lanyard to hold your Sea Pass Card – your ultimate cruise life accessory! It’s your room key, credit card, proof of a drink package, and ID for getting on and off the ship. OTHER options include a badge holder with carabiner clip OR a handy magnetic wallet phone case.
Mesh Zipper Pouch – Absolute packing lifesavers! Keep your theme outfits and accessories organized to perfection! Water-resistant, sturdy, and easy to label. Better than re-using those flimsy Shein bags! (Might work for your smuggled liquor cache too. Ssssshh!)
Magnetic Hooks – Verdict’s out! Leo said no, Kat said yes. Kat wins!! Magnet hooks were a hit! And we needed more!! Hang your cruise door decorations… wet towels, bathing suits, lanyards.
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