Ah, the infamous “bull.” Or worse… “alpha.” If you’re a single guy stepping into the swinger world thinking those words make you sound dominant and desirable, we’ve got news – you might actually be giving “red flag.” Sure, Big Dick Energy is sexy, but announcing it is not. While some dynamics (like hotwifing or cuckolding) still use the word “bull” in a contextual, consensual way, slapping it on your profile or swinging it around like your dick can do more harm than good. So let’s talk about why these terms can rub people the wrong way—and what to do instead if you want to be invited back.
Don’t forget to check out more newbie swinger advice in our Vanilla Swingers podcast.
🧠 What You Think It Means vs. What It Says
You think you’re projecting strength, sexual stamina, and that coveted take-charge energy. But to many couples, especially husbands, calling yourself a bull translates to: “I don’t respect your relationship,” “I’m only here to f*ck your wife,” or “I’ve watched way too much amateur porn.” It skips over the social dance that swinging often requires. Instant hard pass.
🐂 Power Dynamics in the Lifestyle
In MFM, hotwife, and cuck dynamics, yes, the single man often plays the more dominant role. But true power? That lies in quiet confidence, not chest-beating. Want to embody real BDE? Respect the couple’s relationship. Understand the fantasy. Ask thoughtful questions. And definitely don’t act like the husband is some disposable accessory to your erection. The guys who get invited back don’t just bring heat – they bring humility.
🔄 Rebranding: What to Say Instead
You don’t need a label. If you’ve got it, trust us, they’ll notice. Being confident, kind, sexually assertive, and respectful of boundaries speaks louder than any edgy profile tagline. Want to show off your big dick energy without saying it? Be the guy who listens, who vibes, who knows when to lead and when to follow. Mention that you enjoy hotwife dynamics, group play, or taking the lead when invited. That tells us everything we need to know, and none of it is cringe.
✅ How to Get It Right
Introduce yourself to both partners.
Ask before touching.
Let them lead the fantasy.
Be clean, chill, and communicative.
And maybe… retire the term “bull” unless explicitly invited to use it.
You can bring that big dick energy without calling yourself one. Respect first, ego second, and you’ll get laid a whole lot more. Promise.
Find all of this and more on this episode of our top-rated swingers podcast for new couples to the lifestyle, the Vanilla Swingers podcast!
Swinger Lingo (check Swinger Dictionary for more!)
Big Dick Energy (BDE): It’s not about size – it’s about swagger. BDE is that calm, confident, respectful vibe that says, “I know what I’m doing… and I don’t need to prove it.” In the lifestyle, it’s less about your inches and more about your energy.
Alpha Male: The king of the jungle, strutting his stuff with confidence and charisma, leaving hearts racing in his wake. In swinging, this is a dominant, assertive male who exhibits leadership qualities and commands respect within social or sexual dynamics.
Bull: The confident, assertive partner in a cuckold scenario, bringing the heat and taking charge like a pro. A sexually dominant male ‘bull‘ who engages in sexual activities with the cuckold’s partner, often with the cuckold’s consent or encouragement.
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