Let’s be honest – when we started playing the ENM field, we were one misplaced signal away from disaster. No one hands you a roadmap when you decide to spice up your sex life with strangers. So we did what any hot messes with microphones would do – we made every mistake imaginable and then turned it into a podcast. A year ago, we gave you Swinging 101 with zero experience. Now? We’re still winging it – but smarter, sexier, and slightly more hydrated.
Here come our top newbie tips (plus many more in this tip-filled pod) to help you skip the cringe, dodge the sharks, and find the fun. Let’s go, babes.
Find all of this and more in this can’t-miss episode of the Vanilla Swingers podcast.
🗺️ Do Your Homework
Before you start swapping spit or spouses, hit the books. Okay, maybe not actual books – but Reddit, podcasts, and some curated porn? Yes please. Lurk in forums. Binge episodes. Take notes like the lifestyle nerd you are. You’ll learn what terms mean, what red flags to spot, and how not to show up to a club asking if it’s BYOB and BYO lube.
🐌 Go Slow, Baby
You wouldn’t sprint into an orgy blindfolded… or maybe you would 😉, but we don’t recommend it. The lifestyle isn’t about speed – it’s about connection, comfort, and keeping your relationship intact. Go at the pace of your slowest partner. Hell, crawl if you need to. This isn’t Mario Kart. It’s emotional Mario Party – with less yelling and more moaning.
📲 Clubs > Apps
Apps are a soul-crushing hellscape of flakes, thirst traps, and unanswered DMs. If you like being ignored, by all means swipe away. But if you want actual humans, go to a swinger club. People are intentioned, dressed to impress, and—bonus—less likely to ghost mid-orgy. Start with couples-only night, plan to just watch, and let the sexy ambiance work its magic.
🚩 Trust Your Gut (and Have a Signal)
If something feels off, it is off. Swinging should never feel like a bad Tinder date you can’t escape. Create a discreet “get me outta here” signal with your partner—a hair flip, a squeeze, a sudden obsession with the drink menu. Whatever works. Exit gracefully and regroup later. Your gut doesn’t lie… but horny brains definitely do.
🍒 Try a Threesome First
Two mouths, four hands, one lucky partner – need we say more? Take Kat’s advice. Threesomes are often the easiest entry point because it’s less logistics, less pressure, and usually a lot more fun. MFM or FFM? Dealer’s choice. Just remember – it’s easier to stay emotionally connected with fewer moving people (and body parts).
🍆 Pack the Essentials
Look, someone’s gonna forget something. Don’t let it be you. Pack like you’re prepping for a sexy apocalypse – lube, condoms, mints, hair ties, wipes, a backup pair of underwear, and yes – Viagra (for any male partner, friend, stranger or lover!). Even if you don’t think you need it. You’d be surprised how fast nerves (and tequila) can ruin the vibe.
💸 Count the Cost
Swinging is the most expensive hobby you’ll ever love. Between entry fees, outfits, drinks, hotel rooms, rideshares, and whatever you “accidentally” buy at the lingerie store—it adds up fast. Budget like you’re booking a sexy weekend getaway… because you kinda are. But the ROI? Worth it. Trust me.
💦 Talk About It After
Don’t just unzip and forget. Post-play conversations are where the magic (and sometimes the mess) lives. Talk about what turned you on, what felt weird, and what you wanna try next time. It’ll make your relationship stronger – and the reclamation sex after? Chef’s kiss.
🎭 Don’t Be That Couple
You know the ones – overeager, interrupting, eye-humping everyone without consent. Don’t be them. Comparison will kill your confidence faster than a cold playroom. Stay in your lane. Do what feels good for you, and let the rest fall (or strip) into place.
🍑 Final Tips Before You Strip
Two enthusiastic yeses, one solid no, and never ever change boundaries mid-thrust. Swinging is fun, freeing, and messy in the best way. You’ll make mistakes, forget someone’s name, and possibly flash your neighbor. It’s fine. Learn, laugh, hydrate, repeat. Pandora’s box has opened!
Find all of this and more on this episode of our top-rated swingers podcast for new couples to the lifestyle, the Vanilla Swingers podcast!
Swinger Lingo (check Swinger Dictionary for more!)
Baby swinger: Newbie swingers just dipping their toes into the tantalizing pool of pleasure, eager to explore and learn the ropes of the swinging lifestyle.
Boundaries: The sexy line in the sand, ensuring everyone’s comfort and pleasure in the wild world of swinging. Personal limits or guidelines set by individuals or couples to define acceptable behavior, activities, or interactions within a relationship or sexual encounter.
Dirty vanilla: Like vanilla with some sprinkles, because who says you can’t have your cake and eat it too? A playful term referring to individuals who engage in non-traditional sexual practices while maintaining aspects of conventional relationships or lifestyles.
Newbie swinger: The fresh-faced newcomers to the swinging scene, eager to explore, learn, and dive headfirst into the steamy world of non-monogamy. Individuals or couples who are new to the swinging lifestyle and may be exploring it for the first time, often seeking guidance and information as they navigate this new experience.
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