Swinging may look like a hetero couple’s game on the surface – married couples swapping spouses, men watching their wives with other men, women making out for fun – but peel back the curtain, and you’ll find a rainbow cast of characters. Bi-curious couples. Pansexual unicorns. Gay voyeurs. Nonbinary switch-hitters. Even some fully queer couples looking to dip a toe into swinging without losing their queerness in a sea of MF-only rules.
And yet… let’s be real. The lifestyle still leans heavily cis, straight, and couple-focused. That’s not a judgment – it’s just the default energy most events, clubs, and playrooms operate in. But queer folks? They’re already there, waiting for the world to catch up.
Don’t forget to check out more newbie swinger advice in our Vanilla Swingers podcast.
🌈 LGBTQ+ Folks Are Already in the Lifestyle
Many bisexual, pan, and queer folks are already thriving in swinger spaces… they’re just not always visible. Some are in “hetero-passing” relationships and don’t feel entirely safe being out. Others avoid certain clubs and events altogether because the vibe feels too straight, too rigid, or too couple-y. When queer folks don’t see themselves reflected in a space, they’re less likely to feel safe or welcome. Visibility and inclusive vibes are everything – when the energy is right, queer folks show up and show out.
🌈 Bisexual & Lesbian Swingers
It’s no secret that bisexual and pansexual women are already fully “accepted” in swinger spaces. Bi play between women is widely encouraged, often expected, and occasionally pushed for the entertainment of male partners. For many women, it’s fun, freeing, and a key part of their sexual expression. But others find that what should be organic attraction gets treated like performance art. Consent is key – just because she’s bi doesn’t mean she wants to perform for you, or that she’s available to every other woman.
And let’s not forget about lesbian women in the lifestyle. Yes, they exist, but they’re rare. Women who are only interested in other women often find themselves sidelined in swinger spaces, especially at events or on cruises where MF pairings are required for entry. The “couples only” rule sounds inclusive until you realize it often means MF couples only. Some lesbian swingers end up stuck trying to navigate a heteronormative pool that wasn’t really built with them in mind.
🌈 Bisexual Men Still Get the Short End of the Stiffy
We have to talk about the giant, rainbow-colored elephant in the orgy – bisexual men are still widely excluded in many swinger spaces. Clubs that proudly celebrate girl-on-girl play often squirm the moment a guy expresses any interest in same-sex attraction. The double standard is very loud and very real.
Many swinger clubs and playrooms don’t allow MM couples, citing concerns about overwhelming single men or “changing the vibe.” As a result, most male-male play happens behind closed doors, negotiated privately, carefully, and quietly. A man watching his wife with another man? Sexy and encouraged. But two men hooking up in a public playroom? That’s often still taboo. Some of that is due to comfort levels. Some of it is just… the lifestyle is not there yet.
🌈 Trans & Nonbinary Folks: Real People, Real Play
Too many swinger spaces still operate under outdated assumptions about gender, genitals, and roles. That creates unsafe or unwelcoming environments for trans and nonbinary swingers. We need to do better. Respect pronouns, honor how people identify, and never assume you’re entitled to know someone’s anatomy. You don’t need a TED Talk on someone’s body or backstory in order to flirt, chat, or connect. The best etiquette? Let people self-identify, set their own boundaries, and participate how they choose – no explanations required.
🌈 Queer Swinger Etiquette
It’s okay to be straight. It’s okay to like MF energy. But if you want to be part of a more inclusive and evolved lifestyle scene, be mindful of your language and assumptions. Don’t ask “Are you into guys or girls?”—try “What kind of people are you usually into?” instead. If someone presents outside your norm, lead with curiosity, not confusion.
Don’t fetishize people for being “different.” That queer couple didn’t show up to fulfill your bisexual fantasy. That trans woman doesn’t owe you a TED Talk about her hormones before you offer her a drink. Just be normal. Be cool. And don’t make anyone feel like a novelty act.
🌈 Where to Find Queer-Friendly Swinger Vibes
If you’re queer and looking for lifestyle spaces that won’t make you feel like the glittery outsider in a crowd of polos and bodycons, start with parties labeled “pansexual,” “bi-inclusive,” or “LGBTQ+ friendly.” Apps like Feeld and 3Fun tend to draw a wider range of identities and attractions than the classic SLS/SDC lineup.
Some swinger cruises and clubs now host bi nights, trans-inclusive takeovers, or even queer-focused weekenders. If you’re LGBTQ+ and curious about swinging: yes, there’s space for you – sometimes you just have to carve it out. And if you’re part of a straight-presenting couple and want to be a good ally? Be open. Be respectful. And understand that the lifestyle gets way sexier when we make room for all kinds of desire.
🌈 How To Be More Inclusive
The lifestyle gets hotter, wiser, and more human when we make room for everyone at the playroom table. Queer folks bring creativity, curiosity, deeper communication, and a level of emotional literacy that makes the entire experience richer. If you’re LGBTQ+ and curious about the lifestyle – you belong here. And if you’re already swinging? Take the time to create safer, sexier spaces for all types of humans – because inclusivity isn’t just the right thing to do. It’s also really f*cking sexy. Swing with pride. Play with care. And let your freak flag fly – in every color.
💋 Happy swinging!
Find all of this and more on this episode of our top-rated swingers podcast for new couples to the lifestyle, the Vanilla Swingers podcast!
Swinger Lingo (check Swinger Dictionary for more!)
Bi / Bisexual: Loving all the flavors on the rainbow, because why limit yourself to just one gender when there’s a whole buffet of options? Short for bisexual, describing individuals who are attracted to people of more than one gender.
Heteronormative: A term describing the societal expectation that heterosexuality is the default or normal sexual orientation. Society’s way of saying ‘straight is the default,’ like it’s the only vanilla flavor on the menu.
◀️ Previous Blog Next Blog ▶️