Let’s talk about him. The mythical, magical, clean-cut, respectful, communicative single male of the lifestyle who can hold a conversation and hold his own in a threesome. Some call him a unicorn with a penis. I call him a manicorn—and trust me, he’s even more elusive than a unicorn. He makes my body and my heart go pitter-patter, adores me like the goddess I am, stays perfectly respectful of our couple dynamic, and best of all? He actually comes back for seconds and thirds… (Swoon.)
But for every glitter-dusted manicorn, there are 50 dudes leading with “hey sexy” and “sup,” sending unsolicited dick pics, and wondering why they’re still standing alone by the snack table. If you’re trying to find a manicorn or become one, welcome to church. This is The Single Male Bible – and I’m your high priestess of no-BS advice.
All this and more in our most recent NRE-laced episode of the Vanilla Swingers podcast.
1. Thou Shalt Not Expect Sex
Newsflash: being a single guy in the lifestyle is not a punch card system. Just because you showed up doesn’t mean you’re owed anything. If you walk into a club or party assuming you’re getting laid, you’re already leaking desperation—and trust me, we can smell it. Set your expectations to zero and focus on connection, conversation, and good vibes first. Sex might be on the table—but entitlement isn’t sexy.
2. Don’t Be That Guy
You know who I mean. The one who sends “sup?” messages to every couple within 50 miles. The one who floods profiles with “bull for hire” nonsense and leads with unsolicited dick pics like it’s a résumé. Listen, I could paper my walls with all the dick pics I never asked for. Save it for the bedroom, unless someone specifically asks. Most of us prefer a little air of mystery. If you want to be seen as a manicorn, don’t act like a walking red flag. Respectful language, real engagement, and treating couples like people (not porn categories) will take you a hell of a lot further.
3. Ping, Don’t Pounce
When you’re chatting on apps, there’s a fine line between persistence and pestering. Be gently present – not the guy who sends seven “hey” messages and a gif of his tongue. A polite ping or a flirty follow-up shows interest. Hovering in their inbox like a ghost in a trench coat? Not so cute. Sometimes the law of scarcity kicks in—you’re the only guy still standing, and suddenly, bam, you’re the prize. You can go from zero to hero in a hot minute. So play it cool, stay visible, and don’t overdo it.
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Threesomes are the GOAT!
4. Keep Your Face in the Game
You may think they’ve ghosted you, but couples lurk, scroll, and revisit way more than they admit. That’s why your face pics—yes, face pics—need to stay visible long after you think they’re done with you. We’re not saving your abs in our camera roll – we’re checking to see if your smile still gives us a little tingle. G-rated body pics? Yes please. Dick pics? Absolutely not. We know you have one. We don’t need it waving at us from the second message.
5. Dress Hot, Smell Hotter
You don’t have to look like a Calvin Klein model – but if you show up smelling like a gym sock and wearing cargo shorts from 2009, you’re not getting past “hi.” Groom yourself. Brush your damn teeth. And no one wants to wade through a dense thicket like they’re lost on a jungle safari – so trim it back, Tarzan. And don’t forget the essentials: condoms, breath mints, deodorant, a clean towel. Sexy starts with self-care. Some girls, like Kat, are suckers for cologne – just keep it light and fresh. A whisper of scent is hot. Gassing out the playroom? Not so much.
6. Be the Social Butterfly (Not the Creepy Moth)
Hovering behind couples while they’re talking or fooling around doesn’t make you mysterious – it makes you a creeper. Welcome to the ranks of the wanking dead! Instead, talk to people. Smile. Laugh. Join a conversation instead of stalking it. If you act like someone we’d actually enjoy having around, we might just invite you to stick around for more than the pre-game.
7. It’s a Social Scene, Not a Pickup Spot
Hookups in the lifestyle almost never happen on the first approach. You’re not ordering off a menu – you’re building rapport. Maybe it’s the third flirty interaction of the night, or maybe it’s three weeks later. The point is, you’re being watched (in a good way). We see how you treat people. So grab a drink, play pool, dance (even badly), and be part of the fun.
8. Approach Couples Like a Gentleman
Want to lay hands on his wife? You’ve got to charm him first. Think of the husband as the sexy gatekeeper – because if he’s not comfortable with you, you’re not getting anywhere near their bedroom. Build the bromance. Shake his hand, make eye contact, engage him in real conversation. Show him you respect their dynamic and that you’re not just here to collect notches. Confidence is hot—entitlement is not.
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MFM Threesomes
9. Bring More Than Just Your D$ck
Theme night? Participate. BYOB? Bring a bottle worth sharing. Conversation? Actually contribute to it. If you want to stand out in a sea of single guys, bring energy, charm, and something that adds to the night. Spoiler: that’s not your dick pic collection. It’s your vibe.
10. Just. Show. Up.
If you say you’re coming – come. (And not the sexy kind… yet.) Nothing kills your manicorn chances faster than flaking with no warning. We made space for you, shaved for you, maybe even skipped dessert for you. So if you ghost, you’re not just rude – you’re dead to us. This lifestyle runs on trust and reliability. Be the guy who follows through, shows up on time, and acts like a grown-ass man. That alone puts you ahead of 80% of the competition.
11. Be the Guy Who Follows Up (Like a Grown-Up)
You played, you slayed – now don’t disappear like a magician in a puff of lube-scented smoke. A sweet little message later that night, or even a day or two after, goes a long way. “Thanks for a great time,” “You’re a sexy, fun couple,” or “Would love to see you again sometime” is all it takes to go from forgettable to front-runner. Most guys are terrible at post-play texting. Be the one who isn’t. Trust me – girls are suckers for a little post-game swoon.
Find all of this and more on this episode of our top-rated swingers podcast for new couples to the lifestyle, the Vanilla Swingers podcast!
Naughty Links and Extras! (Fun, Irreverent, and Maybe Passably Useful)
Swinger Lingo (check Swinger Dictionary for more!)
Ambidictrous: Kat’s superpower – being sexually ambidextrous! The impressive talent of being able to handle two dicks at once, proving that when it comes to pleasure, two hands are always better than one!
Dick pics: Unsolicited photographs of male genitalia that make you go, “Thanks, but no thanks!” – because nobody wants a surprise in their inbox. Unless you’re specifically asking for it!
DP: Double the pleasure, double the fun – because why settle for one when you can have both? An abbreviation for “double penetration,” a sexual activity where a female partner is simultaneously penetrated in both the vagina and the ass by different partners or objects. What Kat & Leo affectionately call Deadpool.
Eiffel Tower: The iconic pose of pleasure, where two partners high-five over a lucky third, reaching new heights of ecstasy. This sexual position involves 3 participants, where the female partner is penetrated from behind by one M while performing oral sex on another M, resulting in a visual resemblance to the Eiffel Tower.
MFM: Two’s company, three’s a crowd – and in this case, that crowd’s getting down and dirty in the steamiest threesome around! An abbreviation for Male-Female-Male, referring to a sexual encounter involving two straight men and one woman, where the woman is the center of attention.
SM: Short for single male, the bottom of the barrel in the swingersphere, often more tolerated than desired and only welcomed in very selective spaces.
Wanking dead: Single males at a dimly lit sex club, shuffling around with erections out, aimlessly stroking like zombies in a lust-filled apocalypse.
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