They say unicorns are rare, but once one landed in our lap… they started multiplying like gremlins in lingerie. We used to think a unicorn was some mythical, bisexual babe just waiting to complete every couple’s fantasy. But after a whirlwind throuple and two dozen sparkly playdates later, we’ve learned the truth. Unicorns are real – but they’re not what the lifestyle wants you to believe.
In this post, we’re breaking down what today’s unicorns are actually like, the red flags they should watch for in couples, the green flags that make us worth their glitter, and the wild little secret about who unicorns are really looking for in the lifestyle.
We spill even more tea in our latest Vanilla Swingers podcast episode.
🦄 Who Is the Modern-Day Unicorn?
Let’s bust the biggest myth first – most unicorns aren’t 22 and looking to spice up your marriage. That’s not a unicorn – that’s a college girl dabbling in ENM and maybe looking for one-way threesomes and adventure before grad school.
True unicorns? They’re 35–55, confident, curious, and often freshly single. Many are recently divorced, finally done with monogamous letdowns, and ready to reignite their sexual selves on their own terms. They’re not here for your couple fantasy – they’re here for their own liberation.
And here’s the kicker:
👉 Most unicorns in the lifestyle aren’t even looking for couples.
They’re looking for single guys. Yep. Because at the end of the day, they still crave connection, intimacy, and maybe even love – and that’s hard to find when you’re perpetually the third wheel. From our experience, nearly all of our single female friends prefer NSA fun with single gents. Couples? That’s their side hustle.
🚩 Red Flags for Unicorns: Couples to Avoid
So, unicorns of the world, listen up. Not every couple deserves your sparkle. Here are the red flags to run from:
They say “We’re drama-free” in their bio. Translation: they’ve been in drama.
They push the “unicorn fantasy” too hard. You’re a person, not a kink checklist.
Only one half of the couple messages you. Where’s the communication? Where’s the respect?
She’s super into it. He’s… weirdly quiet. That’s a hostage situation waiting to happen.
They get clingy after one night. You’re not their relationship therapist or their favorite new toy.
Rules on rules on rules. “No kissing him,” “Only play in front of us,” “Must text both of us at the same time”—no thanks.
✅ Green Flags: The Couples Worth Your Glitter
On the flip side, here’s what makes a couple actually worth your time and thigh-highs:
They treat you like a whole person, not a party favor.
They’re both enthusiastically engaged. No dead-eyed husbands or jealous wives.
They communicate clearly, consistently, and respectfully. Enough said.
They’re already solid as a couple. You’re not patching their broken dynamic.
They offer you autonomy and check in on your experience. It should be about your fantasy.
They send you home glowing, not drained.
Bonus points if they text you the next day just to say thank you – and not just to ask when you’re free again.
💋 Final Thoughts
When a unicorn landed in our lap nine months ago, we had no idea what we were in for. That one unicorn turned into a whirlwind throuple and opened the doors to a parade of sparkly, sexy, strong, self-assured women who’ve forever changed how we view the lifestyle.
So if you’re a unicorn out there wondering what you should be looking for in a couple, start here. And if you’re a couple trying to attract a unicorn? Step up, glow up, and show up with integrity. Because unicorns are real – and they’ve got options.
Find all of this and more on this episode of our top-rated swingers podcast for new couples to the lifestyle, the Vanilla Swingers podcast!
Swinger Lingo (check Swinger Dictionary for more!)
Unicorn: The mythical and elusive gem of the swinging world, a single female who is open to participating in sexual activities with both members of a couple, often considered rare and highly sought after.
Unicorn hunting: The thrilling quest in the swinging world where couples seek that rare and elusive single woman to join their sensual adventures, like chasing rainbows for a pot of steamy gold! While enticing, it’s viewed as distasteful in the swinging lifestyle, as couples often try to wife-poach and lure the female half of a couple since unicorns are hard to find.
Unicorn poacher: A couple who tries to steal a unicorn—aka, a solo woman—away from another couple. It’s shady, gross, and totally undermines the trust and respect that should be in the lifestyle. Keep it classy, people.
FFM: Female-female-male threesome. A steamy ménage à trois where two fabulous femmes and one lucky fella heat things up. Think girl-on-girl action with a side of male attention—an irresistible fantasy come to life!
FMF: Female-male-female threesome. Two ladies, one guy, and all eyes (and hands) are on him. The extra girl’s usually straight, and together they’re making him feel like the king of the castle.
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