Let’s be honest – if you’re a parent, the word “play” probably evokes Legos, dress-up, or tantrums over snack time. So imagine our horror when we first heard someone casually say, “We love to play with other couples.” Uh, say what?!?!? At the start of our lifestyle journey, it felt cringey. Juvenile. Almost creepy. Like, can we not? But give it time – and a few steamy nights – and you’ll catch yourself whispering, “Do you want to play tonight?” without a hint of irony. Trust us. It happens to the best of us.
Don’t forget to check out more newbie swinger advice in our Vanilla Swingers podcast.
⛓️ Origin of 'Play' as Euphemism for Sex
Where’d play even come from? It’s been a staple in the kink and BDSM world for ages – think impact play, role play, power play. In those circles, “play” means sexy fun with safety, consent, and a whole lot of communication baked in. Eventually, swingers snatched it up too, because let’s be honest, saying “we played with them” sounds way cuter than “we f*cked.” Now it’s the go-to word across all kinds of open-minded scenes. Flirty, vague, and just polite enough to say in public.
🤸🏻♂️ Euphemisms Are Emotional Armor
There’s a reason the word “play” caught on. It’s a little soft, a little sly, and a lot less intense than “sex.” Especially in mixed company or digital spaces where directness can feel jarring or rude, “play” becomes a kind of emotional buffer. It’s easier to say. Easier to hear. And honestly? It’s more fun.
👀 What “Play” Signals in the Lifestyle
“Play” does more than just soften the blow. It signals that you’re in the lifestyle. It’s insider lingo. Like a secret handshake that says, “We get it.” When someone asks if you’re looking to play, they’re not talking Monopoly. It’s not always full swap, either – play can mean anything from soft swap to kink exploration to just some good old-fashioned voyeurism.
Think of “play” as a spectrum, not a definition. What matters is that everyone involved agrees on the rules of the game.
🍼 But I’m a Mom - Can We Not?
Kat here, and I’ll be real. I hated the word at first. I’m a mom. I do playdates, not gangbangs disguised as preschool activities. The disconnect was jarring. But the lifestyle has a funny way of flipping your internal language. Before long, “sex” felt clinical, while “play” felt fun, flirty, and full of possibility.
Now? I say “play” all the time. It’s not just code. It’s who we are when the heels go on and the lights dim. Who wants to have a playdate? I’ll bring the milk, you bring the cookies. 🍪
🧸 From Playrooms to Playdates
And it doesn’t stop there – now we’ve got playrooms, playdates, soft play, full play… the euphemism’s got more range than a Saturday night lineup at a swinger club. But hey, that’s the magic. “Play” turns sex into something fun, fluid, and free from shame. It keeps things light while still leaving room for wild, toe-curling experiences. Sexy fun has no bounds, so let’s play. 😘
Find all of this and more on this episode of our top-rated swingers podcast for new couples to the lifestyle, the Vanilla Swingers podcast!
Swinger Lingo (check Swinger Dictionary for more!)
Play: The lifestyle’s favorite euphemism – because apparently we’re all big, horny kids in a very adult sandbox. “Play” covers everything from kissing and oral to soft swap, full swap, and group fun. If it’s sexy, consensual, and happening between adults, we call it play… and yes, Kat still giggles every time.
Playdate: Instead of juice boxes and swings, it’s lingerie, condoms, and a hotel room. It usually happens after a great first drink meet or with a trusted recurring partner. You calendar-block it, shave for it, hydrate for it… and absolutely no one is sharing toys the way kids do.
Playroom: The adult’s version of a candy store, where toys, tools, and tantalizing treats await – because who says pleasure is just for kids? A designated space within a swinger’s club equipped with various toys, equipment, and furnishings for sexual exploration and enjoyment.
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