So, you’ve been ghosted. The dreaded phenomenon where one minute, you’re texting, calling, or having a great conversation – and then, poof! They vanish like Houdini, and you’re left staring at your phone, wondering if you said something wrong, or if you’re just too awesome for them to handle. Don’t sweat it. We’ve all been there. Let’s break down what ghosting really is, why it happens, and *most importantly* how to handle it like a total boss.
All this and more in our most recent NRE-laced episode of the Vanilla Swingers podcast.
So...What Exactly Is Ghosting?
First things first: Ghosting is that delightful moment when someone you’ve been talking to – whether it’s a date, a fling, or just someone you met on an app – suddenly and without warning, disappears or LEAVES THE CHAT. They stop responding to your texts, ghost you on social media, and maybe even leave your messages on “read” without a single word in return. It’s like they just poof 💥- vanished into thin air.
Ghosting doesn’t give you closure. It doesn’t come with a “Dear [Insert Name], I’m just not feeling this” text. Nope. It’s just a hard cut-off, and there’s no explanation, no good-bye, just the silence. UGH!! This can be a tough pill to swallow, especially when you’re emotionally invested.
But here’s the thing – ghosting isn’t about you. It’s about the ghoster. They’re the ones who can’t handle confrontation or deal with adult communication. You’re not the problem – they are. So, let’s dive into how you can get past it, laugh it off, and stop letting it haunt you.
Why Does Ghosting Happen?
Okay, so why do people ghost? Because they’re either terrible communicators, immature, or just straight-up avoiding the uncomfortable feelings that come with being honest. And let’s face it, they’re probably afraid of telling you the cold, hard truth – like they’re not feeling the spark, they’re scared or nervous, or they’ve met someone else.
But it’s not all about them. Sometimes, ghosting happens because they’re afraid of confrontation, or maybe they just don’t know how to end things politely. Either way, their inability to communicate doesn’t make you any less awesome. So let’s stop giving these ghosters any power over our emotional state.
How to Deal with Ghosting
Now, you’re probably thinking, “Okay Kat, that’s all well and good, but how do I get over the fact that they ghosted me without crawling into a hole and crying into my pillow?” Been there, done that!
👻 Acknowledge It
First, give yourself permission to feel all the feels. Yeah, it stings. And yes, it sucks. But you have to feel it to heal it. Cry if you need to (but don’t go overboard – no need to drown in your sorrows). Accept that they did ghost you and move on from there.👻 Don’t Chase the Ghost
You sent them a message. They left you on read. You think, “Maybe they’re just busy?” Nope. If they’re not replying, it’s because they’re not interested. Don’t chase someone who’s clearly not interested in communicating. One more unanswered text, max – and then cut off all communication.👻 Take Back Your Power
Ghosting is a sign of their immaturity, not your worth. So stop playing the victim. Instead, use it as an opportunity to level up. The best revenge? Living your best life and not letting them rent any more space in your head.👻 Stop Overthinking
Don’t waste hours re-reading your texts or thinking about what you could have said differently. Newsflash: They’re the one who dropped the ball, not you. Take a deep breath, move on, and never overanalyze again.👻 Reflect, But Don’t Obsess
Take a moment to think about what you can learn from the situation. Were there red flags? Did you notice signs of disinterest? Learn and grow from it, but don’t spiral into obsessive thoughts. Ghosting isn’t a reflection of your worth. It’s their lack of communication skills.
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Swinger Pet Peeves
How to Prevent Ghosting
Let’s face it – ghosting sucks. But the good news is that there are steps you can take to minimize the chances of being ghosted again. Spoiler alert – it’s all about good communication, boundaries, and not settling for anyone who’s not treating you right.
👻 Don’t Over-Text and Over-Invest
The more you talk ahead of time, the less likely you’ll actually meet. Too much back-and-forth leaves you overinvested before the meet-up. That way, you won’t have unrealistic expectations and you’ll avoid emotional fallout if you get ghosted. Let the anticipation build, but keep things light. When it’s time to meet, you’ll both be excited, not drained.👻 Don’t Ignore Your Intuition
If someone’s showing signs of ghosting early on, trust your gut. People who are flaky early on are likely to keep flaking. Pay attention to how they communicate and how consistent they are. A lack of effort on their part is a red flag. Once someone shows you their true colors, believe them.👻 Keep It Light, But Real
In the world of modern dating, texting can be a minefield. But a good balance between fun, light conversation and meaningful discussions will keep things moving. If someone’s truly into you, they’ll put in the effort to keep the conversation flowing.
So, You Got Ghosted. What’s Next?
You’ve been ghosted. You’ve acknowledged it, dealt with it, and even learned a thing or two. Now what?
You move on. There’s no need to keep the door open for someone who isn’t interested. Don’t waste your time. The right person will make you feel seen, heard, and appreciated. Ghosting? That’s just a speed bump on your road to better connections.
So, shake off the silence, get back out there, and keep being the fabulous, confident person you are. Ghosting might happen, but it won’t define you.
Find all of this and more on this episode of our top-rated swingers podcast for new couples to the lifestyle, the Vanilla Swingers podcast!
Naughty Links and Extras! (Fun, Irreverent, and Maybe Passably Useful)
Swinger Lingo (check Swinger Dictionary for more!)
Ghosting: The disappearing act that leaves you wondering, “Was it something I said?” – because in the swinging scene, communication is key! Rather than prod for more, take it as the gentle rejection it is and move on.
Flake: The disappearing act that leaves you hanging – because in the game of swinging, consistency is key! A person who fails to follow through on commitments or engagements within the swinging community, often causing inconvenience or disappointment to others involved. Also usually in reference to individuals met via online apps.
Meetup: A rendezvous where strangers become friends and friends become lovers, because in the swinging world, every encounter is an opportunity for excitement!
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